JOE'S SUMUP: unworthy and amusing(2003) Six years ago, I was approached by an old friend commissioning me to write a theme song for a movie. Needless to say I was thrilled. Little did I know what the movie actually was. Yes I knew its title, "The Book of Mormon Movie, Volume One: The Journey". I knew what it would turn out to be: a second-rate Hollywoodesque makeover of this profound narrative. What I didn't know was how much credit I was actually paying the film with such a generous prognosis.
Scene: Jerusalem, 600 BC. Yes, spoiler alerts all over the place here---if you've read the book, you know what they are. If you haven't, don't worry---the book's substance is in its subtext.
Back to Jerusalem. Lehi, the righteous father of a Jewish family, has been commanded by God to warn the city's residents of its coming destruction. In the book, here was a learned, wealthy, respected trader, and a intuitive, eloquent prophet. In the movie, he's raving mad. His two phrases for five minutes are: "Don't you underSTAND??" and "The CITY will be DESTROYED!!" ...And again: "DON'T you UNDERSTAND?? THE CITY WILL BE DESTROYED!! The CITY will be DESTROYED!" And again and again. My jaw dropped. This is the same guy giving such orations as found in 2 Nephi 2? What was I a part of here. I knew this would not be a good film. But I did not know it would make my Bottom 10.
One would judge a movie's quality most objectively by its tone and by how well its director is able to maintain tone throughout. Gary Rogers, bless his heart, had no idea what he wanted this film to be. The script and its delivery are the most vital elements in setting tone---in which case, this ship sadly sunk itself right in the harbor. When time comes to leave Jerusalem, Lehi's wife Sariah makes parting words with her best friend, the wife of Ishmael. Have I ever felt so awkward in a movie? Possibly not, watching them sit and sob together in this close-up shot for five minutes, saturating the audience in sap. Worse, when Lehi commands Nephi to return to Jerusalem and retrieve the Old Testament, the popular 1 Nephi 3:7 is paraphrased, nay, anachronized into: "Yes father, I'm gonna go and do what God's commanded, cause I know he doesn't give commandments to the children of men that he won't prepare a way for them..." ...etc. And the accidental humor just comes out of the woodwork. Fictional side plots like Nephi being saved from bandits by his brothers Lamam and Lemuel (??), later hallucinating about snakes in the desert, a single camel escaping the caravan at around 2 mph, Sam (played by the infamous Kirby H.) missing his wayward brothers and finding them dancing around a campfire making faces at the camera.
The problem with dramatizing a book like this is that the audience can immediately see straight through to the filmmakers' intent. There are books which can never be properly converted. In this case, it's because the Book of Mormon's intent is not to tell a story---its stories are mere vehicles to teach principles. Movies' stories in contrast are generally vehicles to distract audiences from their lives for a few hours through entertainment. Polar opposites. This movie's attempts to do that are amusing at best, embarrassing at worst.
"Come ON, why are we always fighting? That's all we ever do anymore." A classic Sam line. Laman and Lemuel later appear as if being electrocuted by God's power. I mean,
WHAT were these Mormons thinking? Did they have ANY experience in filmmaking whatever? Don't you underSTAND??? This book will be DESTROYED!! So then, what was their intent? Mostly to be the first ones to say they made the Book of Mormon into a movie, to make money, and to make some Mormons go "ooo" and "ahh". One for three, guys, good job. There was so little cinematic effort put forth that it's embarrassing. I mean, come on, not even a good costume designer? Did the women really sport pastel-colored tubetops, dancing around and telling their parents how "old-fashioned" they are?
Obviously there're more examples where these came from. But suffice it to say, when I heard The Book of Mormon was hitting the big screen, I thought to myself, Great, now people can cop out from the book, saying they saw the movie. I'm relieved to say that anyone who would actually do that would prove about as shallow as the film itself. But to devout Mormons, yeah, I recommend it. Others might point fingers unfairly at the Church for this comedy, but if Mormons don't take it as seriously as it takes itself, they ought to get a good laugh out of it. So, if comedy's your fancy some evening, go crazy. Running time: 120 min.
3 comments:
Nice Review Joe. But, however devout I am, I still doubt I could possibly sit through this movie for an hour and half...
I never had any intent on watching this movie yet, after reading your review must admit I am a little more than intrigued.
I wonder how many sequels worth of the Book the screenwriter had penned a script? A script which I am doubting will ever make it into production.
Funny review, Joe. I hadn't read this review yet. I look forward to checking out this comedy some time.
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